i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
ttyl tear gas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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