I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
