If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
