A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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