So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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