the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
