There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
