My hair reeks of homosexuality.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
