So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
