she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
