So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
