If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
