just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
