just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just pynch a tree in the face
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
