this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
