last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
