Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
