my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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