weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
