haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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