I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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