Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
