I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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