Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Welp...herpes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need moral support for this bender
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
