I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
