sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
tell me about the eggs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
