It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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