You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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