is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pants are for mortals
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
