Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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