I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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