Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's like iHOP with fire
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
