Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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