I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
