I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
