My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My balls are so social today.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
