This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
