Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
