he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
