some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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