so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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