you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
