Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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