you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
