i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
