I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
