Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
