TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
