Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
