remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
do nipples grow back?
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