Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
