I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Even my vagina gasped.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
