i think my mom watched the whole time
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
