You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
